Turning over a New leaf

Today was my first step in fulfilling my new years resolution. This January I proclaimed that I was going to make a change in my life, finding my purpose, and get in touch with a fulfilling life starting on the career level.  That first step was taken today when I attended a Personal Care Provider certification class.

I have discovered that it takes a special type of person to be willing to help someone in need that feels or is completely helpless.  I was that helpless person.  I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in my cerebellum when I was 20.  I was diagnosed, then 36 hours later, I was prepped for surgery.  I woke up after 8 hours of grueling work for a 30 year old surgeon and a senior surgeon.  I woke up examining the eggshell colored ceiling feeling like a chameleon when I looked around the Intensive Care Unit.  I could see the ceiling panel grid at two different angles with two completely separate images for each eye. This was the result of injury to the cranial nerves that control eye movement.

I had an nagging itch on my nose.  Since it was on the left side of my face, I motioned to relieve that itch with my left hand.  I ended up lifting my left arm which felt a featherweight and proceeded to punch myself in my left eye.  I had to laugh.  This was only the beginnings of rehabilitation.  I had a portion of my right cerebellum removed along with my egg sized tumor.

You really lose your sense of independence, pride, and dignity when you are bed-ridden.  This trial has taught me what true empathy is.  I have had this longing to help and support those in need ever since my own medical experience.  It's time I quit ignoring my instincts and give back in a way that others have given to me.

My struggle with finding my purpose