Have you ever had something happen that was so profound in
your dreams that you know in your heart it is real? It is your memory and life lesson. No one would completely understand your
experience from your point of view.
People may even be skeptical and critical of you trying to justify that
your reasoning is unsound and out of this reality, even though it pains you
that you know the truth in your heart.
This is just that situation. These are my experiences during my physical,
emotional, and spiritual fight for life in reality and during my dreams.
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| Painting by Kris McGregor |
Bed bound for a month on the neurology floor during recovery
from brain tumor removal surgery, my Dad started reading my one year Bible to
me each morning while I lay in bed.
After a particularly stress filled night for everyone, he read a passage
that struck a calming chord with him.
This was the Psalm that brought my family hope and
comfort through my trial. Psalm 91, My Refuge and My Fortress
In my deep sleep after surgery, I remember speaking with the Holy Spirit. I was offered to go home. I pleaded "Send me back, I will do your will until you call me back here. I want to get married and have a family”. The reply was "Life is not going to be easy..." After my slumber I woke up with 'May the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus' (Phil 4:7) heavy on my mind. The battle of waking up and living after surgery is still the biggest battle I've ever fought. It was the first time acknowledging that I was attended to by angels taking human form. They attended to my physical needs and stood guard outside my door frame while I slept.
91 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say[a] to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
5 You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place
—the Most High, who is my refuge
10 no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
12 On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.
14 “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
15 When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
In my deep sleep after surgery, I remember speaking with the Holy Spirit. I was offered to go home. I pleaded "Send me back, I will do your will until you call me back here. I want to get married and have a family”. The reply was "Life is not going to be easy..." After my slumber I woke up with 'May the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus' (Phil 4:7) heavy on my mind. The battle of waking up and living after surgery is still the biggest battle I've ever fought. It was the first time acknowledging that I was attended to by angels taking human form. They attended to my physical needs and stood guard outside my door frame while I slept.
Every night was terrifying.
Each nightfall something new creeping around me to test my faith. Upon waking up one morning, in my hand I had
all the necklaces, (crosses and other Christian symbols) that my family and
friends included in the cards with concerned messages of prayer. I wanted to wear each one, to honor each
thought of prayer. I had an intense
battle that previous night and woke to my left arm holding the necklaces to
about strangle myself. I was shocked
because this happened with my arm that I had little to no control over neurologically
as a result of my tumor being removed. A
very shocking way to wake up. It’s been
a secret I've kept for many years.
At lot of the battles I fought I cannot bring words to
describe what I endured, however I do have two of my favorite spiritual battles
from my time on the neurology floor:
v
I was bed ridden and I had a shadow creeping
closer and closer testing me, I warded it off.
I must have frustrated with me that it tried to flush a red converse shoe
down the toilet in my room. Makes me
laugh.
v
While I was learning to walk again: I had an
inflated demon following me around.
Every thought of doubt or fear I could hear it come closer to me like
the sound of vinyl fabric sliding across the floor. It was so distracting as it tried to make me lose my concentration, stumble, and give up.
I finally boldly stated “Get behind me SATAN!" It popped and deflated into nothing behind me
instantly. I never knew why I was
compelled to say that. Interesting what
the Holy Spirit will imprint on your mind at the right time. Later I found that it was what Jesus said to
his disciple, Peter. His disciple was
moved to question why Jesus had to die on the cross while trying to make Jesus stumble. Jesus read through it and caught satan red
handed veiling Peter's thoughts to only be mindful of human concerns, not concerns of God.
I shared my frightening spiritual
fights for survival with a patient at the rehabilitation hospital where we were
patients together for 3 months. He told
me that he remembered putting on his armor for the fight of staying alive in
the darkness after his bad accident. He quoted Ephesians
6:10-13, The Whole Armor of God:
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm
I thank God for sending a companion by my side to help me endure my trial, he is now my husband. God gave me the comfort of my lifelong best friend throughout my recovery. I also am thankful for my supportive friends and family. Your prayers were heard and answered. I am well and I could not have done it without God, his angels, my guardian angel, and all the support of my family, friends, and husband that have been given to me by God. God gave me life, I live for God's purpose.
~LMc
More about my trial: From eyes with pride to eyes with empathy
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