Even though I have 10 days off in September, intended to celebrate my birthday and our 5th anniversary, I still cannot escape the residual effects of my CNA occupation.
Besides the random bruising from wheelchairs, doorknobs, walls (I'm rather clumsy, nothing new), and whatever other obstacles I work around, there is a deeper intensified pain I must deal with day to day. My back and knees.
I have always been blessed with a strong painless back, however lately it feels as though as my spine wants to check out of my body hotel. One set of days it's my upper back between the shoulder blades, the next set of work days, the pain moves to my lower back. I am talking no "spine neutral" sleeping position (something I learned living a month on the neuro floor of the hospital recovering from brain surgery) even begins to help with my pain. Not only that, I have knee joint pain. My knees have weathered 27 years of skiing. Now they are creaky and prone to hyper extending.
Alright. If my life purpose was for the money, I would've stayed in retail. I am driven to ignore the dependence and value of money in a job setting. That being said, I am faced with a new question, 'Is helping people worth all the pain?'
This is a question I cannot confidently answer until I whip my body back into the shape I was in BEFORE my brain surgery (a lil over 8 years ago). This is going to take a lot of determination and self discipline, working with what coordination and endurance I have been given to work with since surgery. I do not intend to be driven by vanity. I am driven to feel better, lessen the pain through strength, and take care of the body.
The other part that hinges on pain is finding my place to work in this life. I can toil all day in pain for something that will end up being in vain anyway through death, or I can see this as a sign for a turning point in life.
For this, I seek God through prayer, ask family to pray for my guidance, keep my senses open to signs of opportunity, and pray that God brings contentment to my ever restless soul.
~LMc
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| Words of encouragement from interim Director of Nursing |
